How to Stop Limerence in a Relationship: 7 Practical Strategies

Have you ever found yourself thinking about someone constantly, checking your phone for their messages, or replaying every conversation you have had with them? You may feel excited when they show interest and deeply upset when they pull away.

This intense focus may feel like love, but it can also be a sign of limerence. Limerence can involve intense thoughts about someone, strong emotional highs and lows, and a strong desire for their attention or reciprocation.

If these feelings are taking over your relationship or daily life, you may wonder how to stop limerence. The good news is that you can learn to understand these feelings, create healthier boundaries, and regain focus on yourself. Here are seven practical strategies to help you start breaking the cycle.

How to Understand Limerence Before Trying to Stop It

Before you try to stop limerence, it helps to understand what you are experiencing. Limerence can involve intense thoughts about someone, strong emotional highs and lows, and a strong desire for their attention or reciprocation. Recognizing these patterns can help you understand what keeps the feelings going and what you can do about them.

What Limerence Can Look Like in a Relationship

Limerence can make one person take up a large part of your thoughts and attention. You may become highly focused on their messages, actions, attention, or the possibility that they feel the same way.

Some common signs may include:

• Thinking about the person repeatedly
• Daydreaming about an ideal future with them
• Feeling very excited when they show interest and deeply upset when they pull away
• Analyzing their messages, words, or actions
• Finding it difficult to focus on work, studies, relationships, or daily activities

Uncertainty can sometimes make these feelings harder to manage. When you are unsure how another person feels, you may spend more time looking for signs, messages, or reassurance. This same intrusive quality is closely tied to why your brain won’t stop overthinking even when you’re exhausted.

Strategies to Stop Limerence From Taking Over

Limerence can feel difficult to control, but there are practical ways to reduce its hold on your thoughts and emotions. The goal is not to force yourself to stop caring about someone overnight. 

Instead, focus on creating healthy distance, understanding what you need, and bringing your attention back to your own life.

Step 1: Accept What You’re Feeling Without Judging Yourself

If you recognize some of these patterns in yourself, try not to judge or shame yourself for having them. Strong feelings can be difficult to manage, but they do not define who you are.

Simply saying, “I’m experiencing limerence” helps separate you from the feeling. It allows you to observe it instead of being overwhelmed by it.

A small journaling exercise that can help:

• Write down what you feel when you think about this person. 
• Then make two lists: one for what you know is actually happening and another for what you are assuming, hoping for, or imagining.

This can help you notice whether your thoughts are based on what is actually happening or on what you hope might happen.

Step 2: Set Healthy Boundaries to Create Emotional Space

If you recognize these patterns in yourself, start setting boundaries with the person you feel strongly attached to.

Setting healthy boundaries can give you some distance from the person and the situations that keep bringing them to mind. This may make it easier to focus on your own feelings and daily life.

Here are a few ways to create healthier boundaries:

• Limit unnecessary conversations or direct contact with them.
• Reduce situations that make you more likely to focus on them.
• Take a break from checking their social media or updates.

Frequent social media checking can keep your attention focused on the person and make it harder to create emotional distance. Try muting, unfollowing, or temporarily blocking their account if checking their updates keeps pulling you back into the cycle.

It may feel uncomfortable at first, but having less contact with these reminders can give you more space to focus on yourself.

These same distancing strategies are covered in more depth in 9 ways to stop thinking about someone that actually works

What If You Feel Limerence for Someone Else?

If you are already in a relationship but feel strongly drawn to someone else, limerence can become confusing. Creating some distance from that person can give you space to understand what you are feeling and what you want from your current relationship.

Ask yourself what you are getting from the attention or connection with this other person. Consider whether you are looking for excitement, reassurance, attention, emotional connection, or something else you value. If the situation continues to affect your relationship or daily life, talking to a therapist may help you work through it.

If this is happening while you’re already in a committed relationship, it’s worth reading why couples stop being intimate and how therapy addresses it, since disconnection at home often precedes this.

Step 3: Redirect Your Attention Toward Your Own Life

When thoughts about the person keep coming back, redirect your attention instead of spending time analyzing them. Choose an activity that requires your attention and give yourself a clear task to focus on.

This can include:

• Start a task that needs your full attention, such as cooking, exercising, studying, or working on a project.
• Call a friend or family member when you notice yourself getting stuck in repetitive thoughts.
• Go for a walk or do another physical activity that gets you out of your usual routine.
• Write down the thought and return to it later instead of spending a long time analyzing it in the moment.

These activities can help you reconnect with other parts of your life. Over time, giving less attention to the person may also make the thoughts easier to manage.

Step 4: Ask Yourself What You Really Need

Sometimes, intense feelings toward someone may be connected to what their attention represents to you. You may be looking for reassurance, connection, excitement, attention, or a feeling of being valued. Ask yourself what you are hoping this person will give you emotionally.

Ask yourself:

• What am I hoping to feel when I think about this person?
• When was the last time I felt this way before I met them?
• What does their approval represent to me?
  

Once you identify the need, think about other healthy ways you can meet it without depending on this person’s attention. Understanding what you are really seeking can help you look for healthier ways to meet those needs in your own life and relationships. This kind of self-reflection is central to how individual therapy helps you break patterns you keep repeating.

If you feel stuck, therapy may also give you a space to explore these feelings.

Step 5: Rebuild Your Identity Outside the Relationship

When thoughts about one person take up much of your attention, other parts of your life can start to feel less important. One way to regain balance is to widen your focus again.

Start with small steps:

• Reconnect with hobbies or interests you may have neglected. For example, you could take a morning walk, join a music class, or return to a hobby you enjoyed before this relationship became such a big part of your attention
• Set small personal goals outside your relationships, such as improving a skill you enjoy or learning something new.
• Spend time with people who see and appreciate the real you
• Build a routine that includes activities you enjoy. Having plans and things to look forward to can help you put more attention back into your own life.
  

Step 6: Learn the Difference Between Limerence and Love

One of the hardest parts of recovery is realizing that limerence isn’t the same as love. Healthy relationships often involve mutual respect, trust, communication, and a sense of emotional safety. Limerent feelings, on the other hand, can involve uncertainty, idealization, and a strong focus on whether the other person returns your feelings.

One way to look at the difference is:

• Limerence can feel urgent and difficult to control.
• Healthy love can allow room for trust, communication, and independence.
• Limerence may make uncertainty feel especially intense.
• Healthy relationships can provide more clarity and emotional security.

This distinction is explored further in romantic attraction vs. committed love: what’s the difference?

If you understand the difference but still find yourself stuck in the same cycle of thoughts and emotions, you may need some extra support. A therapist can help you explore what is keeping the pattern going and find healthier ways to respond.

Step 7: Consider Professional Support If You Feel Stuck

If these feelings continue to affect your daily life or relationship, talking with a therapist may be worth considering. A therapist can give you a safe space to explore what you are feeling, understand your relationship patterns, and work on healthier ways of coping.

If you’re unsure whether this is something you can manage alone, see individual therapy vs self-help: when you actually need a therapist.

How Dr. Christopher Joaquim Can Help With Limerence

If limerent feelings are affecting your relationship or making it difficult to focus on daily life, talking to a therapist can give you a safe space to understand what you are experiencing.

Dr. Christopher Joaquim provides counseling and psychotherapy for people dealing with relationship and emotional challenges. His support can help you explore the thoughts, feelings, and relationship patterns that may be affecting you.

Therapy is not about forcing your feelings to disappear. It can help you understand them, respond to them in healthier ways, and make clearer choices about your relationships.

If you feel stuck in a cycle of constant thoughts, reassurance-seeking, or emotional ups and downs, professional support may help you move forward with greater clarity and confidence.

How to Move Forward From Limerence

Limerence can be difficult to manage, but you do not have to let it control your relationship or daily life. You do not have to judge yourself for having these feelings.

Start by creating some distance from triggers, limiting social media checking, reconnecting with your own interests, and paying attention to what you actually need from the relationship. These small changes can help you regain focus on your own life.

If you continue to feel stuck or these feelings are affecting your relationship, work, sleep, or daily activities, consider talking with a therapist. You do not have to figure everything out on your own.

Frequently Asked Questions